Friday, January 9, 2009

I'm resolved to a new resolution

Why do we use the end of one year or the beginning of another to make changes in our lives?

Do we need an event to make promises? Do we need to drink champagne and stuff our face before we decide to eat and drink responsibly? Everyday should be a resolution for the day’s past. You shouldn't need to plan a date to start your procrastination. It should be as natural as waking up…..tomorrow for today’s appointment.

Here are the top ten resolutions listed each year since Adam said he was cutting back on apples. Maybe that should be a resolution in itself.

1. Spend More Time with Family. Depending on your family, this could be more of a punishment than a resolution. It isn't a resolution. It is something we wish for daily and hope for the best.

CynicalBuzz suggests:

1. Spend more Time with the family you want and hope the rest spend more time with THEIRS while you are having quality time.

2. Get Fit. Doncha love the record number of the world that get in line for a treadmill on January 2nd, buy a treadmill on January 3rd and use it as a clothing rack on January 4th.

2. How about Get less Fat. Let's be honest, it’s the little things in life we hope for, not miracles from Tony Little.

3. Tame the Bulge: If they just combined this with number 2, they could add a resolution that might actually be worth waiting for when the big ball drops and Dick Clark recites his name clearly. (sorry..that was a little over the top. I'll make a resolution to be less cynical)

3. Instead, let's Tame number of Oreos that go from packaging into your mouth. I heard they now have a new 100 calorie Oreo package. It’s called a Crumb.

4. Quit Smoking. I don’t smoke but if you didn’t quit on March 3rd, July 10th or December 11th, What does January 1st got to offer.

4. You could try to Quit Smoking the next time the Tobacco Tax goes up and you can’t afford a 7/11 Big Gulp at the same time.

5. Try to Enjoy Life More. Perhaps if you stopped trying to make impossible resolutions you would enjoy the life you are in.

5. Enjoy Life always. More, less, it is about enjoying, not TRYING to enjoy

6. Quit Drinking. HELLOOO!! I thought you just said you wanted to "enjoy life more?"

6. Instead, try to Quit wondering where you were and why you drank lime vodka and did shots without the family you wanted to spend time with in the first place.

7. Get Out of Debt. I'm sorry, but have you seen how much it costs to resolve the list 1-6? Not going to happen in this year without a personal bailout.

7. Lets work towards getting out of lending money to family you want to spend more time with and borrow money from the family you are going to spend less time with and its a win-win situation.

8. Learn Something New. I learned that learning something new costs money and doesn't help me with the GETTING OUT OF DEBT.

8. Learn something Old that feels new this year like using a treadmill as a non-dry cleaning apparatus.

9. Get Organized. It's the clutter that keeps us alive. If my life was an IKEA showroom, I couldn't find all the interesting things I've been missing all these years.

9. The more realistic solution is to Get the clutter from the basement to the garage. The garage to the storage shed. The storage shed to the basement. ..and anything that seems out of place at that moment goes in that one closet where all the hat and gloves disappear.

10. Help Others. I need help keeping my own resolutions, but now you want me to decide to help others.

10. I’d rather Help others understand that if they want to be helped to make sure they got resolutions 1-8 down pat so I can help them with this one while drinking, smoking and eating oreos on my treadmill.

No comments: