Thursday, October 16, 2008

Open Sesame

I'm not a child (physically anyway). I just want to open a simple package. A package that has been around since before zip lock bags zipped, before tie wraps had ties and before Tupperware was ..well...tupper?

I need help. I need to call my grandma or someone who grew up with these simple treats of pleasure before electricity and ask them, "HOW DO YOU OPEN a graham cracker package without crushing the cracker?"

What happened in this century that banned the resealable or reusable packaging on this Graham Cracker product? Even today's cereal boxes have slowly, but methodically changed their RIP TIL IT BUSTS bags to more consumer friendly, peel, and fold back for freshness techniques.

I was desperate. I called CRIS ANGEL, the illusionist of the month from Mind Freak and he told me that he had a better chance to be invited to Houdini's return to earth than to open the cellophane packaging on this Nabisco staple without incident.

But I'm persistent and relentless. I can't sleep now until I solve this quandary so I wrote to NASA and requested two rocket scientists to prove that this separation of package to product could be accomplished without creating crumb cake crust.

Their response was disappointing. Other than asking me to NEVER contact them again or be prosecuted in federal court, they told me that if it WAS possible, they would have a budget from congress to work on this enigma of the food world.

So, I'm at a loss. I'm craving. I'm hungry and I don't want to brush the crumbs off my shirt ONE MORE SECOND. I just want to peel away the inner folds of Honey Graham harmony and snap a square to dip in my milk..

....and then.....surprisingly, I discovered a trick. It might not work for all of you....but my friends, it filled the void.

I reached down deep into my solution filled mind and decided to have an OREO.

1 comment:

Devon said...

I never have any problems...:)