Dichotomy of Service

"Where is she now? She was just here. I saw her to go get drinks just a moment ago." Yes, the split personalities that engulf the black hole area of the service industry no one every talks about. I used to think it was only a sock that escaped from this universe without notice, without a trace and without hope of ever returning to its twin nylon partner. But I have come to realize that the waiters and waitresses of this world have a temporary void they only know about and will never share.

To juggle multiple tables in unison, to handle rudeness and high maintenance patrons is more than enough to understand their secret society and synchronization of their escape pod for brief lapses of time. But why is it the exact moment when I need my drink filled or as a condiment is missing they take that particular moment to beam away to the Utopia of Waitstaff Land. It must a a cool bar in the ozone where they don't ask each other for anything and each time they appear, a stuffed tip jar shows up on their laps.

In the meantime, I steal the ketchup from the next table, I suck on the ice in my glass to extend the life of my beverage until my server with a button that reads, "ASK ME HOW TO GET A FREE APPETIZER" returns. The night continues, the glasses are drier than my mouth which is now FULL when the mystical appearance of my long lost waitress (Think Britney after JT but before KFED) asks if I need anything. I mumble, "Perhaps I could have the drink you promised, a new bottle of ketchup and a complimentary ticket to your escape world so I can disappear at the exact moment when the world needs me and suddenly appear when it doesn't."