Friday, May 9, 2008

Guess Who's Driving

Countless cars, makes and models fly by us everyday to work, but remember each car can tell us who their driver is without us actually having an accident to actually meet them.

There is an 85% chance that the Corvette that just passed you has a driver with a mustache, a gold watch and a Member's Only jacket. Those small faux metallic painted sport cars (Mitsubishi Eclipses, Mazda 3s, Nissan Sentras) that just can't stay in the same lane for more than 1.4 seconds even when the traffic is stopped has a driver who spent more money on the speakers, spoilers and rims than the car itself. As the Fast & the Furious MiniMe cuts you off, your perception is confirmed in a cartoon flash. The driver is a man (I use that term loosely) who is about 5' 3 inches, wears more jewelry than Joan Rivers and has the cell phone on the outside ear to show you he can multi-task. Maybe he should borrow a phone book to see over the dashboard before he winks at himself in the mirror going 85. Perhaps the favorite of the drive by shootings of stereotypical steering wheel inhabitors is the Extra Double Dual Cab Pick-up Truck driver who hasn't realized the Civil War was over 120 years ago but still wants us all to know he drives a Chevy, not a Chevrolet, loves guns and anything that looks like bull testicles which can hang from his mirror. He wants us to know that Cowboys do it on horses-which is not what he think it means but its too late to explain it to him as I don't have 120 years to teach him about semantics.

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